if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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