Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
