I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
