She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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