there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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