My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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