R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
