I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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