Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
