I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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