Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize