If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
