I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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