Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
