I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
