Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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