Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
