if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
