dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
