Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
