just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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