I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
