I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
