im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
