You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
