I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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