On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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