Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
