ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
