The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
