I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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