I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
