i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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