My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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