OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
