Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
