So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
