when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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