Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
