so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
