We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
