She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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