who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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