I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
