I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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