you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
