Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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