I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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