i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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