ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
