I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
