maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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