She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
