They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I only lived at night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
