Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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