Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
