Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
