my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
