I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
