i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
