I will die if light touches me.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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