I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
