Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
