my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
