i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
